I feel like crying.

Why do you have to be so mean, when I was only asking questions because I didn’t understand?!

I just shared something with you, something that took a lot for me to say.  Now you’re angry and I “might” get to talk to you tonight. 

So little words can seriously crush my world. 

I must really suck.

I often wonder why I do the things that I do, and what psychological reasonings are behind the horrible reclusiveness of my feelings.  I use to be open and trusting when I was little, but ever since my mom became an alcoholic ..I closed up.

Sometimes I feel like things are just way too overwhelming to deal with, and to hide inside myself would be better than giving into the chaos.  However, am I really saving myself or just preventing the inevitable?

Now though, things have changed.  I can’t keep everything to myself anymore, and nor do I want to.  Daddy tells me that I need to give my worries and problems over to him, because I’m owned and he’ll be able to tell me how to handle a situation through an objective perspective. 

I’m not use to this, obviously.  Daddy gets frustrated with me a lot, because I still close up and lie about what I’m feeling.  Everything in my life has changed so much in the past six months, and I’m left a little winded.  Is this what I want?  Absolutely!  I’m just not good with change, and for the past five months I’ve definitely tested daddy’s patience. 

I want a home with my daddy, I want the security and stability – physically and emotionally. 

We’re engaged, and I can’t wait to be the wife.  I know things are going to be hard, especially being a military wife.  However, there’s nothing that I want more than to be a slave and wife to my daddy.  He loves me so much, and I love him beyond words. 

I’m just trying to get my mind completely divulged into this lifestyle – into the trusting that I know is necessary and that he definitely deserves.